A fair question to ask upon seeing one of my blog posts is “who would want to read what he has to say?”. Who knows the answer to that, and frankly who cares. If you read something I write and you love it—great. If you read something I write and you hate it and want to kick my teeth in—great. If no one ever reads a sentence that I produce—great. It isn’t for you.
Now if it benefits you in any way or if you reading my writing benefits me directly—say financially—then who am I to complain? That seems like a net positive. But I don’t expect it to benefit you. And as for me, the possibility of your reading this benefiting me is extremely slim. Best case scenario I monetize this, get some ad revenue and a donation or two, and in 3 years I will be bringing in $50 a month from hundreds of hours of reading and writing. After the monthly costs of books at about $40 and the monthly subscription fee of $8 I will be left with $2 to tip the waitress at Denny’s . The one with the lazy eye who always fucks up your order. Or maybe it was the cooks.
So why would I consciously choose to sit in front of a computer for hours and “blog”?(Blog is a word I hate. I actually don’t know what to call this thing I do. The only word that I like to call it is “write”. Every other word used to describe it is either pretentious or effeminate.)
The primary reason is to clarify my thinking on specific issues. Typing my thoughts out gives structure to them and highlights any weak points in my logic. If I can’t clearly and coherently articulate my ideas, then they are probably shitty ideas. Writing is a good way to detach yourself from situations and look at them objectively as well, which is why journaling and writing about your past are commonly used in therapy.
I also write in order to keep a sort of journal which I can go back and read in the future. I’m sure 33 year old me will have a lot of shit to say about the writings of 23 year old me.
And of course, I enjoy writing. I’m not getting a grade for this and no one is giving me a dime. I have no external incentive for typing this bullshit right now. No adoring fans. It’s unlikely that writing will ever get me laid. But, I enjoy it so here I am.
I can only hope to get better at it. I’m not a good writer at all and I would never claim to be. Am I better than some people? Absolutely. But that doesn’t make me good. I can play basketball better than a crippled toddler but I still fucking suck.
Maybe in a decade I will be good enough to write something respectable. Hopefully I will have found a few things worth writing about which I can become an expert on. Maybe it will pay the bills which would be a lovely way to live; reading and writing all day.
Until then, read it or don’t read it. It isn’t for you. In fact, fuck you.
TheSisyphusBlog 