A pathological idea has been gaining popularity in recent years. The idea doesn’t seem pathological at first glance—in fact it seems benevolent. Beyond just appearing benevolent, I believe that most people who adhere to the idea do so with good intentions, but we all know about how the path to hell is paved.
The idea is that men and women are inherently the same and don’t have any different natural inclinations. That they are tabula rasa (a blank slate). Men and women only differ because of society, and therefore society should be reengineered in order to eliminate any differences (that must be caused by society, and not nature). Men and women should have equal representation in all areas of life. Some will even go as far as saying there are no physical differences between men and women—so no differences is strength or size or speed.
While it is true that men and women are mostly the same, ignoring the differences or blaming the differences on society isn’t helpful to anyone—men or women.
Before I get into the problems this viewpoint causes, I would first like to address the hypocrisy of anyone advocating for any sort of forced equity within workplaces. The people demanding equal representation only seem to demand it of high status and high paying jobs. Women want 50/50 representation as CEOs and as government officials. They never ask for equal representation in a job like bricklaying or coal mining where it is 92% men and 8% women. Or what about plumbers which are made up of only 3% women? Are we demanding equity there? No one seems to be campaigning for a military draft for women. The equity argument is almost exclusively about positions of power and status, in order to benefit those making the argument. They aren’t asking for an equal burden, only equal rewards.
For anyone denying innate differences between men and women let us look at a few statistics.
Men’s deadlift record: 1,104.52lbs
Women’s deadlift record: 683lbs
Men in federal prison: 143,157
Women in federal prison: 10,296
Saying these differences are societally constructed is a ridiculous statement. Chimpanzees have similar differences between male and female in regards to strength and violent behavior.
As for personality, to quote an article from The Scientific American in 2019:
“On average, males tend to be more dominant, assertive, risk-prone, thrill-seeking, tough-minded, emotionally stable, utilitarian, and open to abstract ideas. Males also tend to score higher on self-estimates of intelligence, even though sex differences in general intelligence measured as an ability are negligible [2]. Men also tend to form larger, competitive groups in which hierarchies tend to be stable and in which individual relationships tend to require little emotional investment. In terms of communication style, males tend to use more assertive speech and are more likely to interrupt people (both men and women) more often– especially intrusive interruptions– which can be interpreted as a form of dominant behavior.
Of course, there are many men who don’t display high levels of all of these traits. But that fact doesn’t contradict the broader pattern. For instance, I can recognize that I am a man who has quite a mix of extremely masculine and extremely feminine personality traits and also recognize that my own personal experience doesn’t invalidate the generalizable findings. Which is why I will keep italicizing on average to emphasize that point.”
The full article does a great job of laying out personality differences between the sexes.
I think that historically we’ve done a very bad job of appreciating women as a society. Any gratitude was directed towards men. The hero myths of men greatly outnumber that of women. Great men were given statues whereas great women were rarely carved out of stone. Even the women who supported great men are never talked about. How can we give thanks to great men without also being appreciative of the mothers who raised them or the wives who kept them grounded? The names Coretta Scott King and Olympias are far less known than the names Martin Luther King Jr. and Alexander the Great.
The amount of gratitude that great women deserve can’t be easily articulated. They literally bring life into the world. If you are grateful for life then it only makes sense to be grateful for the heroic woman, who brings life into existence and who bears the responsibility as well as the inevitable tragedy of her child’s suffering.
This lack of explicit appreciation has led many women to believe the only path to success, is that which has historically been taken by men. Women are taught that the thing which will make them a valued member of society is a successful career and that wanting a family is a bad thing—family is something invented by the patriarchy in order to serve men.
So what happens when women go against their nature and follow this path?
Before I continue let me explicitly state something that shouldn’t need to be stated. Obviously not all women are the same. A good amount of women feel naturally inclined to things like careers and some women just don’t want children or a family. Some women are more traditionally masculine, just as some men are more traditionally feminine, which there is nothing wrong with. The issues arise in telling females as a whole things like “you shouldn’t have children because humans are a cancer to the Earth”.
Teaching women that a career is the only way in which they will be valued is very dangerous. Many women will inevitably end up successful in careers, and yet feel empty and alone. Everyone told them that as soon as they became a CEO they would feel fulfilled. That equity mandate of 50/50 was supposed to make the women feel competent and of value, but there still seems to be a void. And what happens when she retires at 60? Her parents and siblings have died and since she was told family wasn’t important she never had kids of her own. In her 70’s her friends begin to die. She has money from her great career but no one to share it with. No children to watch grow or grandchildren to play with.
The hypothetical woman in this situation reminds me of a quote from the Stoic philosopher Seneca, ” If wisdom were offered me on the condition that I should keep it shut away and not divulge it to anyone, I should reject it. There is no enjoying the possession of anything valuable unless one has someone to share it with”.
At the same time we are telling women to be more like men, we are telling men to stop being men. The term “toxic masculinity” has become widely used. I actually don’t have a huge issue with the term, because there are obviously negative attributes to the masculine (as there are with the feminine). The problem with the term is the way in which most people use it, as well as its overuse. For example aggression is commonly said to be “toxic masculinity”. But what about a man fueled by aggression who physically stops a predator from raping his child? Were the soldiers who stormed the beaches of Normandy to stop Hitler free from aggression?
Telling men that strength is toxic might be one of the worst things you can tell a young man. Instead of teaching men to focus their strength and aggression towards something noble, we have decided as a society to castrate them. We did a poor job of being grateful for women, and now we feel that must ostracize men.
The west is telling both genders to go against their own nature which can only end in disaster. We will end up with a generation devoid of meaning. Women will have forgotten the nobility and beauty of being a mother and men will have forgotten the divinity in strength and courage.
I’m not sure where we go from here. It’s complicated. I have been thinking about this problem for 3 weeks now and I couldn’t begin to tell you a solution. The issues of gender and gender roles are constantly in our face and while the causes and symptoms are almost infinite, one that seems to stand out for me is the lack of historical appreciation for feminine roles. An overcorrection was made. Sorry if you were hoping for me to end with a solution. I don’t have one.
If you feel naturally inclined to be a stay at home mother, then do so and don’t feel guilty or feel like you are missing out. If you are drawn to a passion or a career then follow that and don’t feel guilty.
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